I’m not the mom who dreamed of having a little girl who would be a “mini me.” If I’m being honest, I was scared out of my wits to have a girl. When my daughter, Liv, was put in my arms 16 years ago, when they said ‘it’s a girl!’ I wasn’t thinking about wearing matching mommy-and-me dresses and PJ sets — I was just afraid of doing everything wrong.
When it comes to mother-daughter style, I did NOT have a playbook. My mom was very much a 70s hippie who was not into fashion at all. But my grandma, Seena, took me thrifting ever since I was a little girl, and it sparked a lifelong love that I’ve passed on to my girl.
For Liv and me, thrifting is about so much more than clothes. I mean, yes, it’s about fashion, of course, but more than that, it has become a way to connect. It’s about adventure and play, the unknown of what treasures we may find. I remember going to my first thrift store, The Piggie Bank, with Grandma Seena when I was about 5 years old (I can still smell the mothballs!), touching everything, the gold lamé dress that to little me looked like something a queen would wear (or at least Cher lol). Now I hope I’m creating those same core memories (can you just see the Inside Out magical marbles?) with Liv.
I remember visiting my friend, Carrie Preston, in New Orleans when she was on a show called Claws, and we went to a thrift shop together. I bought these jeans, which are my total favorites — I’m actually wearing them as I type this — and that was almost 10 years ago now, but every time I wear them, I have this happy memory of being there with her. Touring the French Quarter, the absinthe bar we went to… Clothes tell stories and have memories to them, and I love that I’m developing that with Liv. We’ve been thrifting in Spain, in Portugal, in Paris and London, heck, even in Costa Mesa, California, where I am doing a job now! And every time one of us wears one of those thrifted finds, it brings up the memories of that day — what we ate, where we went, what we saw.
Liv and I both got dresses in Spain that we both absolutely love, and we sometimes wear them together. And it’s kinda hilarious to me, because the dress I got was one I thought Liv should get — it’s very whimsical, bright, and cheery with little flowers all over it. And she was like, ‘No, Mom, it’s more you.’ And she was so right! She’s in a place where she’s more interested in sophisticated clothes. The dress she bought on that trip is longer and much more chic.
We love sharing clothes, she loves raiding my closet (in a very respectful way!), but we do have different tastes. I love a V-neck, she doesn’t. I like backless things, she doesn’t. She likes blazers, I don’t. But one of the best things that we’ve discovered with thrift stores is we both love trying on things that we might not buy, but are fun to just try on in a kind of a costume-y way and think, who would I be if I were this person?… I love that even though she wants to be a doctor, not an actress, she’s willing to explore costuming, almost cosplay, in that way.
Speaking of costuming, look, I’m not going to lie: I loved dressing her up like a little doll when she was tiny. But as soon as she had her own taste, I was much more interested in her having ownership over that. Far from turning her into a mini-me, my biggest goal has been to empower her to feel an unlimited freedom of expression of who she wants to be, and to be her most authentic self. It’s a truth about clothes and really all parenting, my biggest goal as a parent: How do I uplift her unique authenticity and cheerlead her to be the human she wants to be?
I also love that by buying thrifted clothing, we’re not contributing to climate change. I’m really happy that I have a kid who doesn’t want the newest of everything, who is more interested in the story and the memory and the experience, because those are the things that I care deeply about. In bonding over the act of shopping for clothing that has been worn by people before us, clothing that has its own stories and memories from before we experienced it, we’re making memories of our own. And who knows — maybe someday another mother and daughter will pick up a piece of our clothing in a thrift store, and wonder about the people who wore it before. And the story will continue.
